Moments

And we were left alone

As Love’s own pair;

Yet never the love-light shone

Between us there!

But that which chilled the breath

Of afternoon,

And palsied unto death

The pane-fly’s tune.

  •  Thomas Hardy

Do you ever have that feeling of wishing you seized the moment? Not in the sense of reliving the past and changing your decisions, but instead, not hesitating in that moment. To not give into constraints of reality and let go of control just for that instance. Maybe to have finished chapter 7 of that book you were reading in the bookstore on that Saturday morning, or maybe to have held on to that kiss a little bit longer. To have locked eyes a little longer to release that sparkle that was hidden away behind our eyelids or to give way to not knowing what could have followed. Or maybe to have uttered the words you were to scared to hear, rather than say, because you couldn’t face the reality of your situation. To let go of expectations and not be scared of what may come. To be, I dare say, vulnerable. In all aspects of the word, the feeling, and the regard for vulnerability. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I would have felt if I held on to the moment a little longer; how would I have absorbed it? In all chain of events, one thing leads to another and one thing happens in correlation of another but emotions linger longer than events and can ultimately outlive a moment’s notice. Maybe I should have ran a little slowly on that one rainy afternoon in East Market, or maybe I should have answered when asked, “what are you thinking?” The fear of what’s to come next outweighs the moment’s bliss which stops me in my tracks each and every time. To learn to breathe and feel each breath is the epitome of being ever-present. To break down the barrier, I guess one has to not fear fear itself. Maybe a constant reminder that, no matter what, life will continue whether we like it or not and that maybe, just maybe, this moment can be ours to own so we ought to make the most of it. To control the moment and immerse yourself into it as if it was the last moment. Your last moment and the only moment to come hence forth. To give into a moment’s notice of emotions and sail into the waves of unknown and be content with an uncertain emotional ride. It’s simple to state, really and yet much harder to follow through with. I guess a hundred moments can’t make up for a moment lost within the grasp of what you could have felt.


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